Sexist Reporter? Try Sexist Feminist.

Everyone seems to be liking this little clip, here.  Well, I'm not.  And I'll tell you why.  It is, to me, yet another example of how feminism has, once again, made "the neighbor lady who made you chocolate chip cookies" feel like her role is "less than".  Do you hear the disdain in her voice and see the hatred in her eyes as she's saying that?  In that one statement, she summarily stomps on hospitality and on loving, kind, hard-working homemakers everywhere.

To take it further, she then goes on to chastise the reporter for setting up the interview to remind people that she is a woman.  Notice that she is the one disdaining her own gender at this point.  What in the world is wrong with being a woman, or more specifically, being a woman associated with those things?  In my mind, the home, the tea, the cookies, etc., are pillars of feminine virtue and strength, especially to any woman in this millennium who refuses to bow to the feminist, dehumanizing illogic which hates to be associated with them.  She's basically saying she must be viewed as a man in order to be taken seriously; in order for people to vote for her.  Is there a better way than that to hate your own gender?  How about seeking respect because of the differences between men and women instead of foolishly seeking to hide those differences?

In my life, it never has been men who made me feel like they consider my role as homemaker to be inferior (quite to the contrary, the men in my life have always elevated my role); it has always and forever been feminists who have worked so hard to let all the homemakers out there know that they believe we are inferior.

"Feminists who ceaselessly inveigh against their own oppression by men (often hardly specifying its exact nature) would ignore how they themselves have oppressed ... feminine women.  It oppresses a woman who could delight in domesticity to tell her that her domesticity makes her a parasitic inferior to men.  It oppresses a woman who yearns to stay home with her children to tell her she is worthy only insofar as she achieves in the workplace." - F. Carolyn Graglia, A Brief Against Feminism, Pg. 349

And, of course, here's G. K. Chesterton (my favorite on this subject):

If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home,…but if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless and of small import to the soul, then as I say, I give it up; I do not know what the words mean. To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets cakes, and books, to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.

For more on this subject, click here.

Sex, Marriage & Fairytales

Here we go, y'all.  This is incredible... especially the last line.

Sex, Marriage & Fairytales

Powerful stuff.

So You Think You Married the Wrong Person?

For those who have ever struggled in their marriages and wondered whether they married the wrong person:

Did You Marry the Wrong person?

A Mother's Beautiful Body

Love is...

... sacrificing your body for the blessing of children.

I'm reading this great little book called, "Loving the Little Years:  Motherhood in the Trenches" by Rachel Jankovic.  She is currently raising five small children, two of whom are twins.  She really knows how to articulate how hard life is... and yet, she is so full of joy.

When I came across this section in the chapter entitled, "Me Time", it was so encouraging to me that I have decided to share it with you.

Motherhood is a demanding job.  It is so demanding and intrusive, in fact, that it takes over your body.  It uses your body, oftentimes rather roughly.  This can start to bother us.  You may have some weight to lose, and you might start to resent that.  You might have permanently damaged something during a pregnancy.  You may have big scars, stretch marks, and loose skin that bothers you.  You might not have time to exercise the way you used to.  All of these things can be seen as an offense against us - against our bodies.     

There are really two separate points I would like to make here.  First of all, our bodies are tools, not treasures.  You should not spend your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form.  Let it be used.  By the time you die, you want to have a very dinged and dinted body.  Motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed it to be used.  Those are the right kind of damages.         

There are of course ways to hurt your body that are outside of God's design for it and disobedient.  But motherhood is what your stomach was made for - and any wear and tear that it shows is simply the sign of a well-used tool.  We are not to treat our bodies like museum pieces.  They were not given to us to preserve, they were given to us to use.  So use it cheerfully, and maintain it cheerfully.  When you are working hard to lose the baby weight (as you may need to), think of it as tool maintenance.  You want to fix your body up in order to be able to use it some more.  It might be used for more children, or it might be used to take care of the children you have.  We should not be trying to fix it up to put it back on the shelf out of harm's way or to try to make ourselves look like nothing ever happened.  Your body is a tool.  Use it.    

Also, your body is a tool - maintain it.  Having sacrificed your body for your children is no excuse for schlepping around in sweatpants for the rest of their childhood.  When you were eighteen, you might have been skinny without trying.  In your thirties, after having had a pile of kids, the chances are good that you will need to try.  And in case you care, this word is not coming from one of those miracle mothers who comes out of the hospital more svelte than she went in!  My children, bless them, have left their mark!    

Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work.  One of the greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of joyfully giving your body to another.  While so many women choose to not have children or abort the children that they were given, the testimony of women who know the cost and joyfully pay it is profound.  So make sure that you aren't buying into the world's propaganda.  While there are a great many rewards, the sacrifice is very real.  The reason so many women don't want to do it is because it is very hard and has very real costs.  But the answer to these obstacles is not to run away in fear as the world does, but to meet it with joy, and in faith.    

My very kind and wise husband once left a note for me on Easter morning, two weeks after Daphne was born.  He wrote,  "To my wife, before she even goes near the closet on Easter morning," or something romantic like that.  In it, he encouraged me to realize that there was no more fitting way to celebrate Easter (or any part of the Christian life) than in a body that has been undone on behalf of another.    

So realize that your body is a testimony to the world of God's design.  Carry the extra weight joyfully until you can lose it joyfully.  Carry the scars joyfully as you carry the fruit of them.  Do not resent the damages that your children left on your body.  Just like a guitar mellows and sounds better with age and scratches, so your body can more fully praise God having been used for His purposes.  So don't resent it, enjoy it (Pg. 58-60, emphasis mine).

"You Complete Me."

Marriage is not...

completion.

Does marriage complete us?  While this notion may be appealing, it is a form of idolatry.  A writer spells this out clearly here.

Desiring Him, Part 2

Here is the last portion of the final chapter of Aileen Challies's booklet, False Messages.  I hope you've enjoyed my sharing this series with you.  When I found it, I thought it was too good not to share.  As always, you can download the booklet in its entirety here.

To write this little book I made a bunch of awkward phone calls to my girlfriends to ask them how they deal with this. I asked them what things they do to find delight in their husbands and between the bunch of us we made up a list of practical ideas that may help you. Here they are:  

Pray. First, and most importantly, pray. Don’t pray just before or during sex (though you may have to do so then, too) but pray as part of your day-to-day walk with the Lord that he would help you desire your husband and that he would help you serve and enjoy him in this way. Do you pray regularly for joy and freedom and fulfillment in sex? Do you pray the same for your husband? If not, you should!  

Study. Look to the Bible to learn God’s will for sex.  Know that he wants you to desire your husband, that he wants your husband to desire you, and that he wants both of you to enjoy sex. Don’t believe the lies that good girls can’t find great joy and satisfaction in sex. By regularly enjoying sex with your husband, you are doing exactly what God commands and you are bringing glory to him (Read Song of Solomon and see how the woman is not passive, but a woman who feels strong emotional and physical desire for her lover.). Form a theology of sex; believe it and live by it.  

Remember. In the midst of all your responsibilities as a mother, it is sometimes difficult to remember that you married your husband, not your children.  Biblically, he is your priority over your children. Obviously you cannot abandon your children—you still have to be a mother to them. But do not lose sight of your marriage amidst the busyness of motherhood. 

Stop. Learn how to carve out time for your husband, not just to have sex with him but to find and enjoy common interests (television probably doesn’t count). So often with married couples the concerns of life begin to outpace the importance placed on the relationship. Everyday schedules and worries begin to take over until you forget to take time to enjoy your husband. No wonder, then, that you have trouble desiring him! If you are anxious, thinking about the needs of the kids, worrying about what to serve for dinner the next night, thinking about the laundry that needs to be done, or any of the other 10,000 things you need to do every day, all of this will negatively impact your willingness and ability to enjoy physical intimacy. So take time to be with him, to hang out, to cuddle, to just be together.  

Tell. Spend time deliberately focusing on what is desirable about your husband. Write and leave notes about what you find desirable about him where he will find them (and where only he will find them).  Email him during the day and let him know you are thinking about him in that way. Be coy, be fun, be alluring. Stewing about the fact that he didn’t put his towel in the hamper or take out the garbage hardly instills feelings of desire.  Focus on the positive.  Anticipation is wonderful for you and for him.  

Initiate. Most men love it when their wives initiate.  Instead of always waiting for him to make the first move, let him know you are interested even hours before bedtime—and remind him a few times. And even if you aren’t truly interested, act like you are. Let your mind take the lead and your body will catch up eventually.  

Beautify. It’s hard to desire intimacy when you feel that you are frumpy or unattractive (or when you are deliberately making yourself frumpy or unattractive). Feeling beautiful helps you feel desirable and helps your husband desire you. Get rid of the sweats and stop hoarding his old t-shirts for your own use. Keep the floor-length flannel nightgowns for only the coldest nights.  

Decorate. Make the master bedroom an attractive room in the house. You spend around one third of your life in your bedroom, so why not make it a pleasant place to be? Nice sheets, candles and lack of clutter can go a long way to encouraging a romantic atmosphere. 

Delight. Be thankful that your husband desires you.  This is good and right before God. Think about it: your husband wants you. Your husband wants you! Would you really be happier if he showed no interest at all?  Of course not! So be grateful that God has given him a desire for you and be sure to thank God for it.  

Schedule. This can be controversial, but it has its place. If you truly struggle to have sex regularly, it may be beneficial, at least for a season, to schedule sex. This may happen when you have young children or maybe when you are struggling in marriage. All I mean is that you may want to set aside certain nights of the week and make sure that you have sex on those nights. And on those days, do your part! Coming to him with willingness and joy is far better than making him beg and then rejecting him. Remember what we learned in the last chapter about setting up your husband (or yourself ) to be tempted by sexual sin.  

Here’s the rub. God calls you to love and serve and desire your husband. He created sex as a means of cementing (or supergluing!) the marriage relationship.  God gives your husband sexual desire as a trigger to remind him to pursue you. God has provided you, the wife, as the one who can and should and must provide the fulfillment of that desire. And he provided the act of making love so that it becomes about far more than just the physical act. To reject any of this is to reject God’s perfect plan for marriage.  

In all things remember that God is for you, that he is for godly marriages, that he is for the godly woman who is committed to loving her husband! When you seek Him you can have confidence in his help.  Strive in all things, even in this, to bring glory to God (Challies, False Messages, pg. 17-19).

Desiring Him, Part 1

markuso/freedigitalphotos.net

I'm almost finished with this booklet now.  Here is the introduction to the last chapter:

Desiring Him

So far we’ve come to the conclusion that as a wife you need to be willing to constantly examine your heart and your motives when it comes to sex.  For some reason this is a real challenge for so many women. Many of us struggle to enjoy and express gratitude for what is meant to be a great gift from God. We express anger about this gift. We resent this gift. If God had left us a gift receipt for it, we’d take it back in an instant and trade it in for something better (like a good night’s sleep).

The challenge for you, as a wife, is not just to tolerate sex but to find real joy in it. The challenge is to find joy in the act itself—as a means of grace within your marriage, as a means of blessing your husband, as a means of knitting yourself ever-closer to him, as a means of bringing glory to God. It is not only something you can tolerate, but something you can delight in.

Statistics say that you, as a woman, very likely have less desire for sex than your husband does. Meanwhile your sexual desire is more deeply tied to your mind and emotions than is the case for him; his desire (like you haven’t figured this out) tends to be more physical in nature. He has the easy job of having his body speak to his mind; we’ve got it tough in having to make our minds talk to our bodies. So how then do you work on your mind and your heart so you do not just put up with sex but that you actually desire your husband?

In this final chapter I want to give suggestions on how you can increase your desire for your husband.  I’m hoping to offer some practical suggestions that help you enter the bedroom open, willing, joyful and even initiating physical intimacy with your husband. I’m not talking about techniques to help get you in the mood “in the moment,” but rather practices for all of life to help you align your heart to do what God wants you to do—to desire your husband and to enjoy his desire for you (Challies, False Messages, pg. 17).

 Again, to download the booklet in its entirety, click here.