The "In Love" Deception

Love is not...

... a feeling.

Let me say that again.  Love is NOT a feeling.  Sure, there are feelings and affections that go along with love, especially at the beginning of a relationship, but those feelings are. not. love.  And actually, it is quite possible to love someone very well for whom you sometimes, or maybe even frequently, have no affection at all.

Unfortunately, our culture has made the grave mistake of calling those exciting feelings we have at the beginning of a relationship being "in love".  And we have fallen for it hard.  The problem is those feelings, although they are tremendous fun, cannot last.  They just can't.  We would never get anything accomplished if they did.  Life has to go on.  We have work to do.  And so those affections must come to an end.

Well, that's not entirely true.  They don't come to a complete end.  They just morph into feelings that are more mature and deeper.  But the mature feelings aren't nearly as potent as the "chemistry"-induced feelings we used to have for the person.

Notice what I said there.  The feelings morph into something more mature.  Our culture idolizes being "in love" as something rare to attain to, but that concept is completely backwards.  Being "in love" is the most immature point in any relationship.  It is the starting point.  It is a lot of fun, like I said, but those feelings are a gift from God and they serve a purpose.

Why does God give us those feelings if they aren't meant to last?  I think, partly because if we never felt them, then we'd never come to a point of wanting to live sacrificially for anyone.  And as I said in the post just before this one, true love is action, selflessness, and self-sacrifice regardless of how you feel.

So the next time you see in a movie, read in a book, or even have someone say to you, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," you'll know that that is actually a big, fat lie.  All it really means is that they are not feeling the ushy-gushy feelings they want to feel, that they are more committed to those feelings than they are to you, and furthermore, they aren't willing to live selflessly for you.  It is the ultimate selfish statement.  So, not only are they not in love with you, but they also do not love you.

Love is NOT a feeling.